‘You hear me, slut?’ He kicked into her gut, and her elbows gave out under her. ‘I say get up or I’ll shoot you!’
Naomi could feel her muscles quivering under her skin as though she were with fever, her stomach heaving silently from the force of the blow. Rage again swelled even as her face was pressed into the dusty, broken cobbles.
‘I’ll shoot you, woman! Don’t think I won’t do it!’
She was sure he would, but she couldn’t seem to push herself back up. The crossbow clicked as he removed the safety catch. Her senses sharpened enough for her to then hear the scuff of his boot again leaving the ground to kick her a second time. This time she was ready.
The boot swung into her, but faster than she might have believed herself capable of, she turned and caught the offending foot with both hands. Twisting quickly and yanking it towards herself, she floored him with an almighty crash. The crossbow didn’t go off, despite the sudden move, and swiftly she snatched it out of his temporarily slack hand and rolled up into a standing position.
The first guard lay on the floor, winded and bewildered, even as the second one fumbled with his own crossbow, not yet loaded at all. Naomi, very charitably in her opinion, waited patiently for him to finish. He was sweating, his eyes blown wide in panic and far too much alcohol for someone coping with this situation.
‘You’ve only got one bolt,’ he stammered, aiming his crossbow at her and indicating his groaning, fallen comrade and the quiver of arrows at his hip. ‘Stand down.’
That interested her. His choice of language made him sound almost like a real soldier, despite the slight slur to his words. Not just a thug then, this one. The one she had floored shifted and took in the situation hazily. Then he snorted in amusement.
‘You can’t shoot us both, you stupid slut.’
Naomi’s brows rose fractionally as she looked down at him. ‘No, I guess not.’
Without one iota of hesitation, she shot him through the eye, deep into his skull. He gurgled sickeningly, but she only had eyes for his shocked companion now. Throwing the useless crossbow to the floor with a clatter, she lowered her hands down to her sides."
~The Reluctant Queen, Chapter Four
Alright, I have a question about this section. The Man read it, and his feedback was this:
"I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to use the word slut. It might offend people."
~Less than twenty seconds later~
"I like that she shot him in the face like that! It was disgusting!"
…Now I love him, and I appreciate his feedback, but he’s not really a big reader and it seems to me that there’s a bit of a double standard going on here. It reminded me a bit of George RR Martin saying how he had angry letters about the sex in his books, but not all the violence, you know?
So! My question is this; do you think I need to change “slut” to “harlot” (or some other such slur) or am I okay to leave it? Because this isn’t a kid’s book, and let’s face it, most women are called “slut” at some point before they even finish puberty.
I don’t know if any aspiring novelists follow me, but I’m trying to become a freelance content editor and I need content to edit. I am currently working on my first paid novel, but will be done *hesitantly* January 2015. (should. but, we’ll see.)
Right now, I would love to edit a novel for experience (meaning free) but I need a writer. So, if you’re self-publishing a novel and you’re too young to hire/too poor to hire, I would love to edit your novel.
I do fantasy/chick flick/slices of life YA best, and I will not take erotic (sorry, 50 Shades inspired!). If you want a free 3-page content edit and some emails back and forth to see if I’d be a good match, please contact me (via tumblr for now but email after!).
Please spread this guys! :3
I know at least a few of the writers following me are at the point with your writing where you might be trying to find an editor, so this is for you.
AND I LOVE HER FOR THIS! (caps intended)
ME TOO, SHE’S SUCH A PAIN IN THE BACKSIDE IT’S SO MUCH FUN! :D
Writing flawed characters is my favourite thing <3
So! As I’ve already said, I’ll be working on the rewrite of “Daughter of War” for NaNoWriMo this year. Technically I know it’s supposed to be a first draft, but I checked the rules yesterday (just to be sure I wasn’t cheating!) and NaNoWriMo only suggests a first draft, and mostly for the writer’s own enjoyment. Now confident I’m not being sneaky, I can crack on with planning!
The fact is, the first draft of DoW is going straight into the bin, because the plot has altered so drastically it’s practically a different book anyway. I think I tried to squeeze far too much into the one story, so I’m going to save some of it for book three instead. I sort of got a bit hung up on the character development as well, and while that’s important, the plot suffered for it. I’m going into writing this version with a completely different concept now though, and I’m seriously excited to get started!
Today I’m planning to do a few more agency submissions for TRQ, and then a little, very light plotting. Now most of you know I’m generally a bit of a pantser, and that tends to work out quite well for me. That said, I think it wouldn’t hurt if I made a list of plot points and scenes, etc, that need to happen at some point through the story. That’s pretty comprehensive for me as far as plotting goes, and it should be fun to cross each thing off as I go along.
In other news, I’m having computer problems, which is always fantastic. Some of you might remember a similar issue last November? Not sure why this keeps happening, but these things are sent to try us! I like a challenge ;)
the-runaway-mind said: For the protag ask thing: 4, 5, and 2, please! Also, I'm really interested in Naomi's character lol.... I hope NaNo goes well for you!
Thank you so much! It’s actually so lovely for me to talk about Naomi like this, simply because she’s been a big part of my life for a while now. I can’t wait to get stuck into rewriting the sequel for NaNo this year, it’s going to be so much fun!
2. What does their handwriting look like?
I actually answered this one already, but here’s the link: http://neenorroar.tumblr.com/post/100176393219/2-what-does-their-handwriting-look-like :)
4. One random fact about them that even you didn’t know until now?
Hmm… Okay, how about this: Naomi enjoys knitting! When she was a guard, she would sit in the barracks between duties and knit to pass the time. She’s good with her hands and Ffion is pretty cold, so she would give each project away when she was done to whoever wanted it.
5. Describe how they look?
This is artwork of Naomi by the fabulous and skilled taijavigilia
who I am totally going to coerce into cover art if/when I self/indie publish because she is a genius and I love her work so much I could cry.
There’s also this one of Naomi and Arun: http://taijavigilia.tumblr.com/post/54376260432/catching-up-on-internets-and-tumblr-dash-after-a
bookywookybookitybooks said: 10. What is their biggest flaw?
Naomi’s pretty judgemental. In fact, she’s REALLY judgemental. She’s bad at swallowing different opinions and is painfully single-minded at times.
It’s going to cause all sorts of problems for her (and other characters) throughout the series, and putting her into situations where she’s forced to be more open-minded is a twisted joy for me as a writer. It’s made better by the fact that she also hates to be wrong, and stinks at apologising.
She’s a very, very sore loser.
storydragon said: 7. Weapon of choice? 8. If they could ask you (the writer) a question, what would it be?
7. Weapon of choice?
Naomi will use literally anything available if she has to, and generally effectively. She’s used to making do and she began her training very early in life, so she’s proficient with most weapons. That said, she tends to lean towards longbows for long range (she’s a bit of a luddite, so she gets funny about crossbows!), but she believes that nothing beats getting up close and personal with a two handed sword.
8. If they could ask you (the writer) a question, what would it be?
"What are the chances of me actually surviving any of this?"
bookywookybookitybooks said: 2. What does their handwriting look like?
Messy! She can write neatly if she has to or when she’s really concentrating, but her natural hand is pretty dire.